One year on, victims of Barcelona terror attack still in trauma: ¡°Why did we lose what we love the most?¡±

¡°There comes a time when you have to stop thinking about it,¡± says Elisabet Caritg who lost her mother, Pepita Cod¨ªna, in La Rambla terrorist attack on August 17 last year. Pepita was run over by the van driven into pedestrians by Younes Abouyaaqoub ¨C an act that killed 13 and injured 130, one of whom died subsequently in hospital. Caritg, who suffered multiple fractures and a blow to the head, is still in therapy. ¡°It is very difficult to talk about,¡± she says.

As a father, I know what it is to lose a son, but to lose a son, knowing what he has done, must be harder Javier Garc¨ªa, whose three-year-old child was killed in the attack

Alicia Su¨¢rez was run down in Cambrils, Tarragona, the following day when five members of the same terrorist cell mowed down pedestrians on the seafront promenade, killing one and injuring six more. On vacation from Zaragoza, Su¨¢rez was enjoying an ice cream with her family when she was hit. ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it,¡± she says. Her sister Ana was stabbed to death when the terrorists abandoned their vehicle and attacked bystanders with knives.

One year on, all the survivors and the victims¡¯ families are struggling to come to terms with the tragedy and few want to talk about it in public. Only two of those contacted by EL PA?S are prepared to explain what they are going through. Most say their pain is still too raw.

The only Barcelona resident who died in La Rambla attack was Silvina Pereyra. Of Bolivian origin, she worked in the Boqueria market at the Vidal Pons fruit and juices stall. But a spokesman for Vidal Pons also declined to comment, saying that ¡°the experience was very brutal and we still have staff who are affected emotionally by it.¡±

Alicia Su¨¢rez¡¯s pelvis and hip were fractured in Cambrils and she lost some of her teeth, as her brother-in-law Roque Oriol explained to the Arag¨®n Herald in June in one of his few statements to the media. Oriol, who was married to Ana and was also injured in Cambrils, is still receiving therapy and is still suffering the effects of hemorrhaging in his head.

There comes a time when you have to stop thinking about it Elisabet Caritg, who lost her mother in the attack

One of the few to have spoken publicly about his pain in the aftermath of the tragedy is Javier Garc¨ªa, father of the three-year-old Xavi from Rub¨ª who was killed on La Rambla along with his uncle Francisco L¨®pez. In his most recent interview, which was broadcast on TV3 on July 28, Garc¨ªa indicated that the press had not given the victims and their families space to grieve. ¡°There are journalists who do harm, who need to understand that we are people who are suffering,¡± he said in the interview. ¡°They have not let us grieve properly.¡± Garc¨ªa has also suggested that the protocol toward family members could be improved. In his particular case, he had to wait four days before he could bury his son.

Famously photographed hugging a local Iman, Garc¨ªa is intent on trying to make sure Xavi¡¯s death wasn¡¯t in vain. To this end, he has become interested in the problems the terrorists may have had in integrating with their local community in R¨ªpoli. And though he hasn¡¯t been able to, he was keen to meet the parents of his son¡¯s killer. ¡°I wanted to meet the family,¡± he says. ¡°As a father, I know what it is to lose a son, but to lose a son, knowing what he has done, must be harder.¡±

Bearing the loss

Juan Zapatero is a priest and the cousin of Conchita Vill¨¢n, the mother of Pau P¨¦rez, who was kidnapped and killed by the terrorist Younes Abouyaaqoub as he fled from the scene of his crime. Zapatero, who held a mass for P¨¦rez and has written various articles dedicated to his nephew, gives Pau¡¯s parents emotional support as they try to come to terms with their son¡¯s death. ¡°There are still times when they can¡¯t believe it. They were not prepared for the loss. I tell them that they have to stop thinking about it because it will drive them mad,¡± he says.

Zapatero also explains that it took many days before the family could see and bury Pau. According to the priest, the parents became obsessed with knowing exactly how Pau died and their lawyer had to persuade them that, for their own mental well-being, they needed to let the matter drop.

Canadian police inspector Fiona Wilson, whose father Ian Moore Wilson was killed in the attack, issued a statement last August requesting the media desist from contacting her family further. A year on, she remains silent.

All I want now is peace, nature and to be far from crowds Elisabet Caritg, who lost her mother in the attack

In her statement, Wilson paid tribute to her father and thanked various people for the help they gave her family after the attack, particularly the Barcelona resident who took a member of her family to hospital on his motorbike.

American Heidi Nunes Tucker, whose husband Jared Tucker was among those killed in Barcelona, also failed to respond to attempts by EL PA?S to contact her. In an isolated exchange with the media last year, she explained to Associated Press that she wanted to contact the last person to speak to her husband ¨C a waiter from a caf¨¦ on La Rambla, who, judging from video footage, tried to save his life.

Nothing, of course, can prepare ordinary people for such a devastating event. Caritg and her mother, for example, had gone to Barcelona to do some shopping. ¡°You still ask yourself lots of questions,¡± she said. ¡°How could it have been allowed to happen if they knew there was a risk? Why are there people who have contact with these people? Why did we lose what we love the most?¡±

Caritg has only returned once to Barcelona since the attacks for a doctor¡¯s appointment, but she avoided La Rambla. ¡°All I want now is peace, nature and to be far from crowds. I hope with time I return to being the person I was,¡± she says, adding: ¡°You have to stop thinking about it.¡±

English version by Heather Galloway.